is my new home.
to personally thank my dear friend Devine Passion
the beautiful graphics she has created just for me.
I am on
a self improvement healing journey.
to see how far I can go...
that you can change whatever you want to within
It is just a matter of wanting it enough. I am a
of habit. Almost to the point of obsession. That's
got me into trouble in the first place. I was a smoker..
I was in big trouble a few weeks before I went to
I had plans for spending a week at the cottage
my Mom. This was something I have been doing for
17 years since my Dad passed away. Anyways,
manage to go to the ocean. I felt terrible though. Early
summer I had caught a cold. It was the cold from hell.
quickly from bronchitis to asthma. I had such a
all summer long. When the cough finally stopped,
hurt and I started feeling confused and dizzy.
hard to concentrate. My neck and face started
numb. I was also white as a ghost.
one hot summer night at the ocean. I walked
to the beach around 10 pm. The moon was out shining
for me. It took great effort to walk down there. I
a little blanket and sat down. I felt so bad, but
to not let my Mom know how bad I really was.
not want to worry her nor ruin her vacation.
As I sat
looking out at the beautiful sea. I thought if a
came and washed over me and carried me off.. it
be ok because I knew I was dying inside. I felt it.
the ocean, what better place to die. My warm tears
flowing now... I held out the palms of my hands and
my salty tears and walked down to the water's
and washed my tears away with the salty sea...
not ready to die, so I pushed those thoughts
my mind. As soon as I went back home I would
the doctors and find out what was wrong with me.
30 years I smoked. I did try the last 15 years
down and changed my brand to Carlton which I
was the lowest in tar and nicotine. It did not do
good, because on Sept. 11th 2000, I was diagnosed
emphysema. My lung function test showed my lungs as
of a woman 114 years old. I was only 47.